The runners up in our creative writing Sixty Second Plays project were Willow Donovan and Tiana-Aleenta Rajamahendra. Their pieces are below with feedback by scriptwriter Julia Bolden.
Later by Willow Donovan
CHARACTERS: Ray and Rue, siblings. No distinct gender or age. Rue is motherly, Ray is severely depressed.
[RUE enters the stage on the left with heavily exaggerated footsteps, stopping abruptly before beginning to speak to RAY without looking at them. RAY is lying center stage facing the audience, unmoving.]
RUE: Ray, you need to clean up the kitchen.
RAY: Later.
RUE: But- You said-
RAY: Later… please
RUE: [Pause] okay.
[RUE exits stage right. Pause.]
[RUE enters stage left, still not looking at RAY.]
RUE: [more stern] Ray, the kitchen.
RAY: I’m sorry… I’ll do it later
RUE: You said that yesterday.
RAY: I’m sorry…
[RUE scoffs and exits stage right, RAY continues to lay still. Pause]
[RUE enters stage left, pacing, still not looking at RAY]
RUE: Ray I’ve had enough. Kitchen. Now.
RAY: Later…
RUE: You’ve been saying you’ll do it later for weeks, this is getting out of hand.
RAY: You sound like mum…
[RUE doesn’t say anything but looks down at RAY for the first time. RAY turns around, their back to the audience.]
RAY: I miss mum.
Feedback by Julia Bolden: This is delightfully poignant. The sparse dialogue works well. At first, I was going to question how the audience would know they were siblings but then I realised, at the end, that it was intentionally unclear throughout and then abundantly clear in the final line, which fully explains their relationship, the situation and both their states of mind, in just those three heart-wrenching words. It is correct that you have made it clear to the director and actors that they are siblings, to inform the casting and acting, but that it is not revealed to the audience until the end.
Wedding Prep Gone Wrong by Tiana-Aleenta Rajamahendra
Characters: Raven (female) and Aiden (male), 20s.
(RAVEN enters in a white gown and spins).
RAVEN How do I look?
AIDEN You look amazing, love.
RAVEN But… I feel like it hugs around my waist.
AIDEN (comes up behind her and puts his hands around her waist,
smirks) That’s my favourite type.
(RAVEN pushes him off) Oh, shut it.
AIDEN What? I’m just admiring my fiancé.
RAVEN You know, it’s only a few weeks till our wedding. You
must be excited.
AIDEN Aren’t you?
(AIDEN’S phone pings).
RAVEN Is that work?
AIDEN Uh… yeah, yeah it is.
RAVEN I thought you took the day off!
AIDEN (stutters slightly) Y-Yeah, I did.
RAVEN You stuttered. Something wrong?
AIDEN (tries to play it cool) No, nothing.
RAVEN (playfully) You’re sweating, you can’t hide anything from
me, babe. Give me your phone, please.
AIDEN I- No- It’s nothing! I mean it-
(RAVEN snatches AIDEN’S phone from him before he can pocket it
away. AIDEN sighs loudly).
(RAVEN’S face changes and turns pale. She drops to the floor.)
RAVEN You…
AIDEN It’s not what you thinkRAVEN TWO YEARS, AIDEN?!
(RAVEN takes off her ring and throws it to him).
RAVEN When you’re ready to commit all of your time to someone,
don’t come crying back to me.
(RAVEN storms off, leaving AIDEN alone on stage)
Feedback by Julia Bolden: This is a nice succinct little piece that gets straight to the point. Is it supposed to suggest that letting your fiancé see you in your wedding dress before the big day is bad luck? I’m not sure why she says ‘You must be excited’. It seems slightly odd wording for her to use to him about something that is (or should be) exciting to both of them. Maybe she could say ‘Are you excited?’ or ‘Aren’t you excited?’ Either way, it would still make sense for him to reply, ‘Aren’t you?’. Does Aiden actually look at his phone? Does he read the message? Or just see who it is from? Maybe that could be made slightly clearer? Does she throw her ring ‘to’ him or ‘at’ him. There’s a subtle difference and the actors need to know. Nice powerful ending. Aside from those small queries, I think it works really well.
Atone for your sins by Tiana-Aleenta Rajamahendra
Characters: Robber #1, Robber #2, Ominous Voice
ROBBER #1 (panting) W-We did it!
ROBBER #2 HELL YEAH!
ROBBER #1 Shut up! No celebrating until we get to the hideout.
Did anyone follow us?
ROBBER #2 No, I don’t think so.
ROBBER #1 Are you sure?
ROBBER #2 … No… BUT, the point is, we escaped, we have money,
and that’s thatROBBER #1 (interrupts) Wait. Where’s Aether?
ROBBER #2 I thought he was right behind us?
ROBBER #1 Yeah, me too?
ROBBER #2 Shit. I think we lost him. He must’ve gotten caught.
ROBBER #1 Well, I guess more money for us then!
ROBBER #2 W-What? You can’t be serious! Aether helped us a lot,
we can’t just cut him out now!
ROBBER #1 (sighs and starts walking away) Well, Aether made a
valiant sacrifice. Someone had to get caught for the others to
survive.
(ROBBER #2 is in disbelief at what ROBBER #1 had just said).
OMINOUS VOICE Oh, you poor dear souls.
ROBBER #1 (fists up) W-Who was that?
OMINOUS VOICE It doesn’t matter who I am. Who are you?
ROBBER #2 My name is Coll-
ROBBER #1 IDIOT! DON’T TELL THEM YOUR NAME!
ROBBER #2 R-Right, sorry, boss.
OMNIOUS VOICE Ah, they’re the boss, are they? We’ll see about
that.
ROBBER #1 What on Earth are you on about?
OMINOUS VOICE (laughs coldly) You both think you have no
consequences. Well, you’ll see. You’ll all see.
ROBBER #2 W-What kind of nonsense is this…?
OMINOUS VOICE (shouts dramatically) IT’S TIME TO PAY FOR YOUR
SINS!
(ROBBER #1 and ROBBER #2 scream and beg for mercy. A curtain
drops and you see their shadows being shot by the OMINOUS VOICE
off screen).
Feedback by Julia Bolden: I really like this. It’s neat, dramatic and the plot gradually unfolds. First, we are told that they are running and that they have achieved something and then it is revealed step by step that it is a bad thing they have done, that the bad thing was stealing cash, then that they have lost a third member of the team, then that one cares about this and the other doesn’t, then that the more caring one is also the more stupid and the lower status of the two and finally they get their comeuppance. It could maybe have more of a twist at the end. Being shot is perhaps too obvious. Could the punishment be more original? I also wonder if the title gives away too much, from the start.
Our illustration is by Willow Donovan